Q: My boss recently moved my desk so that I would be farther away from my co-worker, “Tamara.” Tamara’s annoying behavior causes me to react, and our conflicts have been getting progressively worse. I’ve tried ignoring her and killing her with kindness, but nothing seems to help.

I’m worried about my upcoming performance review, because I know I have not handled this situation well. But I can’t find a way to stop Tamara’s unprofessional behavior. Our boss recently said that “this problem will be eliminated within the next month,” so now I’m afraid that one of us may be terminated. What should I do?

A: Since your own conduct hardly sounds professional, your complaints about Tamara seem rather ironic. The fundamental error in your thinking is that her aggravating habits “cause you to react,” which makes you sound like a puppet with no control over your actions. In fact, Tamara can only push your buttons if you allow her to do so.

Although you can’t change Tamara’s personality, you can certainly change the way you respond to her. Instead of snubbing her or faking friendship, you should simply behave like a pleasant and helpful colleague. Try to remember that your actions do not have to reflect your feelings.

To avert career disaster, you also need to have an apologetic chat with your boss as quickly as possible. If you can convince him that you intend to end this disruptive conflict, you may simultaneously save your job and impress him with your maturity.

Q: Six months ago, I started a contract job with a small software group. The lead developer is a control freak who has taken over some of the tasks listed in my contract. He also has a cold personality, so I have trouble getting along with him.

I talked with the lead developer about his attitude toward me, but nothing changed. Next, I went to the manager of our group and explained that this guy was taking part of my job. When that didn’t help, I took my problem to the manager’s boss.

Now the lead developer is being given work that clearly should be mine, so I feel that management is siding with him. How do I keep them from reducing my responsibilities?

A: You are either very young or very naive. Anyone with any political savvy would realize an established employee in a leadership role has much more influence than a newly hired contract worker. Complaining about him is therefore quite likely to backfire.

You also seem confused about what it means to be a contractor. The term “contract employee” typically refers to payroll status. The description of your assignment is simply a guideline and does not confer a contractual right to perform certain tasks.

The best way to get desirable projects is to impress the lead developer with your competence and cooperative spirit. Since contract employees have minimal job security, you would be wise to start building relationships instead of destroying them.

Marie G. McIntyre is a workplace coach and the author of “Secrets to Winning at Office Politics.” Send in questions and get free coaching tips at www.yourofficecoach.com, or follow her on Twitter@officecoach.