Ask Amy: Time for a father-son chat

12:00am on Aug 5, 2011

Dear Amy: I made an unaccustomed stop at an out-of-the-way restaurant last week for a cold beer on a hot day.

While sitting at the bar, I spotted my 45-year-old married son at a nearby table, holding hands and being lovey-dovey with a woman who is definitely not his wife. I was shocked and left in haste without his seeing me.

I have not shared this with his mom, who has a heart condition and would be quite upset.

My son and I are not especially close. I don’t know what to do and could use your advice.

DISTURBED DAD AND GRANDDAD

Dear Dad: Contact your son and tell him what you’ve seen. Tell him you were shocked and ask, “Do you want to talk about this?”

You should make every effort to temper your reaction, at least at first. The less you put him on the defensive at the outset, the more likely that he’ll be to be open with you.

Depending on what he says, you can then express your disapproval and urge him to consider the consequences of his actions.

Dear Amy: I know you like to share “second chance”stories.

Here’s mine: My husband and I split up over the “other woman.”

They ran off and borrowed a car from a friend. What they did not know was that the car had been used to steal parking meters. The police spotted the car and the two of them were arrested.

I got a call from my husband in jail and bailed him out. When I asked him where I could drop him off, he said, “Home, with you.” I asked if he was sure and he told me he was positive.

The kids who burgled the meters confessed. All charges were dropped.

That was 40 years ago, and we are still together. Was that my second chance or his?

SECOND CHANCE SURVIVOR IN NOLA

Dear Survivor: It sounds to me like that bail money was a good investment!

Email tellme@washpost.com. Chat online at 10 a.m. Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.

Order a reprint

View All Top Jobs

$1,200,000 Boise
. The value is in the land. Property backs up to Dry Creek...

Search New Cars
Ads by Yahoo!